Eric Sachs: I'm going to be rich! Like, stupid rich!.All these years, I have been seeking to recreate the mutagen, and you.Their gift was also their passion they lived, breathed and dreamed of martial arts. The others followed my lead, accelerating at a wondrous rate.
First, I would teach myself the ancient art of ninjutsu. They would need to learn to protect themselves, both mentally and physically.
And I knew, one day they would want to explore the world above.
Like all children, they were drawn to the distractions of popular culture. But then you appeared, and ushered us to safety. He set fire to the lab his last breath was taken trying to destroy Shredder's plan. Your father had discovered the truth behind the man he was working for. After the brothers went to sleep, I heard loud voices. That fateful night started like any other: Sachs gave us our injections, your father made sure our vital signs were strong, and you as always provided us with a special treat. I don't remember a time before living in that laboratory. But you will become the warriors that legends are made of. My sons, your training is not yet complete. Why are you always telling me what to do?. BAM! System disabled! Who wants Italian? I'm buying! Tiramisu for everybody!. Ma'am, can you hear me? Do you know what city you're in? Do you know where you are?. Guys, I'm in the zone! There's literally nothing that can break me right now! Starting to crack. Whoa, whoa, whoa! Chill! It's just a mask, see? Don't freak out. Please keep your hands and feet inside the shell at all times!. Guys, did you see? I totally talked to a girl!. Donnie already wiped the pic, genius! Problem solved! Moving on! How many times do I have to tell you? We don't break things, we fix them. We were created as weapons, and we knew the world would never accept us. All these years you told us we were rescued from the fire by a great guardian spirit, a hogosha. Do NOT say a word about this to anyone. Ubisoft Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles at Walmart for $39. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is entirely hollow, poorly put together, and will require an audience on its level of stupidity to survive. A studio saw a brand name they could exploit for name recognition and (fingers crossed) nostalgia, put together a script completely devoid of any kind of emotion or creativity, and is now hoping that you’ll ignore all of that because of CGI explosions and identifiable pop-culture characters. This reboot is the worst kind of cash grab. As you can imagine, the 3D is not your friend in this case either, and it should be avoided if you ever feel sensitive to its negative physical effects. This is extra problematic given that the four eponymous leads all look near identical at super speed, leading the audience to hope that they can catch a glimpse of the individually colored masks as to just try and keep up with what’s happening. Despite the fact that he is working with uniquely-built characters who can move and fight in all kinds of interesting ways, Liebesman insists on keeping his camera no more than two feet away from the actors at all times during fight scenes – the result being nothing but blurs of CGI whipping past the lens. #Teenage mutant ninja turtles 2014 vodlocker movie#
That is, however, the exact opposite direction taken by Liebesman and screenwriters Josh Appelbaum, André Nemec and Evan Daugherty, who haphazardly threw together some of the worst, oft-repeated blockbuster plot elements out there with a chaotic visual style to create a movie that has absolutely nothing going for it.Įven if you plan to see Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (don’t) exclusively for the action sequences, your satisfaction is in no way guaranteed. It’s light, weird material targeted at children, but it’s also what could be a healthy base for adventurous conflict found through creative storytelling and interesting character development. It behooves me at this point to acknowledge an understanding that what we have here is a movie about a team of talking turtles who fight crime, eat pizza, and live in the sewer with their rat father-figure/sensei. This is the kind of atmosphere that leads to films like director Jonathan Liebesman’s new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles reboot, a movie that is so catastrophically awful in both story and presentation that it practically exists as an insult to anyone who would be considered as a fan of its cherished franchise.
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